haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
