Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
