Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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