i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
