he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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