I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
