He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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