My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
