i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
