Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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