Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
