GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
