operation harelip BJ is a go
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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