fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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