you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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