this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
