I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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