4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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