if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
