You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
