you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
