GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
