i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
