We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
