So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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