Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
