You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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