haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
