yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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