The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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