I look better un-naked...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
