My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
