Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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