I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
