I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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