Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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