hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
