ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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