I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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