take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
