I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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