You made me cry and you don't even care
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ok first of all what the fuck
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
