Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its not stalking. its research.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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