I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
