Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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