did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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