who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
