I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
