Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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