Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The uberlube is also flammable
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
