I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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