you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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