Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
