Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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