Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
