OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
