Who did Billy Mays play for?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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