I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
