he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
